I'm going to level with you all: I'm scared. In less than two weeks, I will walk across the stage in the middle of Pomoco Stadium and be handed a college diploma, signifying that I will officially be a college graduate, holding a degree in English. The very next day, I will be completely lost. I do not have a job lined up. I do not have any internships lined up. I do not want to go to grad school, at least not right now. It is a very unsettling situation to find oneself in. So I'm scared. But I'm not panicking. I'm nervous. But I have peace. I have everything I need to be sure of my future success. I have a family who have supported me since birth and will continue to support me through my future endeavors. I have friends who love me who I know will always be there when I need them to be. And I know a God who is perfect in power.
For the past twenty-two years of existence on this planet, life has been good. However, I can no longer count on two hands the amount of times I've found myself in situations which seemed to have no beneficial results. Often times, I've cried out to God and found that He did not answer my prayers the way I wanted him to. At the time, it seemed that I had been abandoned. However, I have been learning recently that hindsight always really is 20/20. I cannot think of a time in my life when my God has not come through for me. Often times it has not been in the ways that I had wished at the time. But He always guided me through. And furthermore, I always find that his solution always yields greater results than mine. In an instance of particular emotional pain, my father once told me that sometimes it's ok to not be ok. Heartache is never pleasant. Loneliness is never enjoyable. But God is faithful. If it weren't for times of heartache, I would not be able to appreciate joy. If I had never felt loneliness, then I would not know how precious the friendships I have are. I often feel bad, because I am not good at orally verbalizing how much I appreciate people. My emotions are best conveyed through writing. So to anyone reading this: please know that your friendship means more to me than you can ever imagine. I feel so incredibly blessed to have you in my life. Even in times when I push you away, I always appreciate you. But I digress.
So that brings me to my current situation: scared and uncertain. But like I said, my God is faithful. I am learning to understand that there may be a time in the near future when I will not have any job opportunities. I may have to be ok with not being ok. But that's ok. Because I serve a big God, and I serve a loving God. He will provide. He already has. He's provided me an awesome family. He's provided me an incredible group of friends. If I stay in Richmond, I'm ok with that. If I move to Newport News, I'm ok with that. If I have to move to Charlottesville, I will eventually be ok with that. If I have to move to Northern Virginia, I will learn to be ok with that. If I have to move out of Virginia, I will not be ok with that, but God will bring to to a point where I am. I'm scared, but I trust my family. I'm uncertain, but I trust my friends. I'm apprehensive, but I trust my God. Because hindsight is 20/20, and they have always seen me through it. I'm ok with not being ok for a time.
